Next Time You Feel Like Complaining, Try This Instead


You're about to learn a four step method to help turn any complaint into a opportunity for growth abundance. Isn't that cool?

Complaints are a super normal part of the human condition, but if they go uninspected and unobserved, they can bring you down, down, down, down, down.

I know my complaints can be a real source of heaviness. Once you get going, all of a sudden a negativity bias sets in - and things just get heavier and heavier.

Whether you actually say them out loud or not - the end result is the same. A heaviness in our body, minds, and souls.

It creates this sort of compounded, gunk effect inside of ourselves where the complaints pile up and we get gunky, static. To me, it makes it kind of hard to move forward in life - because I’m weighed down with all this negative energy!

We all know what it's like to be with a person who complains constantly. (Maybe, just maybe, that person is you from time to time?)

But the funny thing is, complaints are actually a seed of opportunity for us - a place to start noticing ourselves and our desires.

Every time one pops up, it’s a chance for us to turn the complaint around and become more happy, more fulfilled, more vibrant, more alive.

So then, the question becomes, how can we get to the point where we’re actually excited about our complaints??

When I find myself complaining, I catch it, and often think, “Ooh, I'm having a complaint. There must be something that I'm wanting.”

How cool. Right?

STEP 1) Notice You’re Complaining

If it goes unnoticed, your negativity is just an unobserved energy train. You're missing the opportunity to notice something that you're thinking or feeling or desiring. So step one is, NOTICE you're complaining.

STEP 2) Take a DEEP Breath.

Ground your complaining in compassion - realize that it’s a really human thing. There's nothing wrong. Everybody has complaints and that's okay - it's part of the human condition.

STEP 3) Get Curious. You’re going to get curious and look at what in that complaint is pointing to something that you desire.

I had an experience the other day, a simple one that really exemplifies how amazing this practice is.

I was out and about all day, a busy bee - and in my travels I’d bought some beautiful flowers. When I finally got home that day, I was bone tired, so I plunked them in some water and then got into bed.

The next day the beautiful flowers were wilting.

I realized that the flowers had some plastic underneath them. So even though the they were in the vase the water wasn’t getting to them.

I was so angry at myself. “How could I have been so silly to let these flowers die like this?!”

Then I stopped, and did the 4 step method.

I realized what my complaint was - I was running around so much and I didn't pay attention. I felt too frazzled.

So then, underneath that there was this desire to be more careful, but also to give myself more time to be careful within. Does that make sense?

I noticed that what I wanted was a little more flexibility and freedom around my time so that I could care for the simple things - like beautiful flowers.

Finally, STEP 4) Go On a Little Discovery Mission. Once you’ve identified the desire underneath the complaint, what are some ways that you can bring that desire to life?

For me, in this case, the complaint opened up an opportunity for better self care, and calm energy.

Maybe I needed to schedule more time in between coming home and getting ready for bed - so that I don’t end my day feeling so worn out.

Maybe creating a ritual for coming home with enough time to relax, settle in, and see to the little joys would help. And just like that, I had this beautiful new practice to ease me out of my day and into my dreams.

All thanks to a complaint!

Let’s review, shall we?

Step 1, notice you're complaining.

Step 2,  take a breath and be compassionate for the very human condition of complaining.

Step 3, look what's underneath the complaint. Look for to the desire.

Step 4, brainstorm ways to give yourself that desire. To compassionately acknowledge the source.

Make Sense?

I hope that helps you to transform your complaints from something that's energy draining to life-affirming.

Of course, you can do this in the moment, but if you forget in the moment, you can always do it after the fact as well.

Wishing You Wholeness and Joy -

Until next time!

Marna Schwartz

Intimacy Coach